Hi, my name is Matthias and I am half Filipino and half German.

I was born and raised in Germany but I also spent significant time in the Philippines as a child and after graduating. I’ve always been exposed to both cultures especially when it comes to food which is why I have a confused palate. :)

Being Hapa, you are always torn between two worlds and never fit in. I am neither the Filipino nor the German guy even though I speak both languages fluently.

People assume I’m Brazilian, Spanish, Turkish, French or Indian – I’ve heard it all. I currently live in Ireland and people are always surprised when I tell them my background.

In the Philippines, people think I’m a tourist, while in Germany, people think I’m an immigrant (which is why my passport always gets scanned twice at the airport since my exotic face doesn’t match my German name).

Despite the challenges, I’m still proud of my mixed heritage and I think being Hapa is an asset, not a disadvantage!

Being Hapa has been a transformative experience for me. As a child I was told or asked the following on a daily basis:
“Well you don’t look Asian.”
“Have you been to China?”
“Do you speak Chinese?”
“Your last name doesn’t sound Chinese.”

As trivial as these comments or questions may be, they take a toll on you after a while. Looking back I realize I became ashamed of who I was. When people asked “what” I was, I didn’t want to tell them I was a mix of Chinese, German, and Scottish.

I didn’t want to hear the same things over and over again. I didn’t want to explain that Cantonese was my first language, but I lost it at a young age when my Goong Goong (grandfather) died. I didn’t want to explain that I haven’t been to China, but my Pau Pau (grandmother) raised me to be knowledgeable of Chinese culture and its traditions.

I didn’t want to explain that my name didn’t sound Chinese because it’s a Scottish surname. I didn’t want to explain all of these things because explaining them made me question my identity, or lack thereof. Belonging to three ethnicities and feeling like an outsider in all of them can really have a negative effect on a person.

I reached my 20’s and began searching for who I was, and I had to start at my roots. I began doing research on my heritage and saw a depth to my identity I hadn’t realized previously.

I realized that I belong to three worlds. I fully belong in each of these cultures. I was raised with Chinese traditions but that doesn’t discredit my German and Scottish heritage. I may not look like I “belong” to any of these ethnicities, but I belong to all of them. My features show it on the outside and it emanates from my heart and soul on the inside.

Although I still struggle with a sense of belonging and a lack of identity at times, I try to be cognizant of this and remind myself of the following:
I am not part Chinese.
I am not part German.
I am not part Scottish.
I am Chinese.
I am German.
I am Scottish.
I am Hapa.

My name is Sean and I am Japanese and German on my mother’s side; Irish, Dutch, and British on my father’s.

I’m proud to be Hapa because I got to experience two completely different cultures along with fluency in English and Japanese. I was born in Tokyo, Japan and I now live in McDonough, Georgia.

I feel like I’ve embraced my heritage even more so than Asian-Americans today. Language usually gets lost on the second generation, so I try my best to stay current with Japanese college-level vocabulary and pop culture.

It’s a touchy subject to talk about challenges that I’ve faced. I was bullied as a kid, and rejected by both cultures because I cannot fully identify with any ethnic group.

I celebrate New Year’s, Children’s Day, Respect for the Aged Day, and Cherry Blossom Festival.

If you’d like to know more about me, add me on Facebook.

Hi there, my name is Justine and my father is Japanese/Hawaiian and my mother is Caucasian. I was born and still live in the beautiful rainy city of Portland.

Growing up I always had a really hard time identifying with who I was. I remember people would always ask me, “What are you?” or “Where are you from?” and I was always thrown off by this.

Sometimes people would just assume they knew what I was or where I was from. I didn’t know very many Hapas growing up so it was hard to find others who knew how I felt, except for my sister. I actually didn’t find out I was part Hawaiian until a few years ago so I mostly identify with my Japanese and Caucasian parts.

My father has been pretty absent for most of my life, and I think that had an affect on how I identified myself. As a result of this I was never very close to anyone on his side of the family until more recently. Even though I wasn’t around them much growing up, my mother always tried really hard to incorporate that culture into my life.

She would make Japanese food for my sister and I a lot, take us to traditional events, and we hosted many Japanese exchange students through out my childhood. When I turned 13 I had the opportunity to visit one of our former exchange students in Okayama and it was one of the most exciting experiences I have had. I would love to return again some day and learn and see more about the culture.

I’m proud to be Hapa because what I am makes me unique. Not only did I get peanut butter and jelly sandwiches packed in my lunch growing up, but onigiri and mochi too. I’m not just white, or just Japanese or Hawaiian, but a beautiful mixture of them all. I’m Hapa.

I was born in Los Angeles, California to an Italian mother and a Japanese father.

I was mostly accepted into Japanese culture, and I can speak both English and Japanese. I’ve been back and forth from Japan to the United States throughout my childhood.

It felt strange not being accepted by full-blooded European Americans. It’s weird to be told that I should consider myself white because it will benefit me, but then be told that there is no such thing as white privilege.

It’s frightening to be hated in chat-rooms across the internet by people in Asia who don’t like Eurasian celebrities gaining fame in Asia and representing the Eurasian minority groups in these countries. It’s painful when Eurasian celebrities in America sell themselves out as white, and cause tensions between Hapas and the rest of the Asian-American community.

I’ve learned something though – Japanese is not a race, it’s a nationality, and white is not a race, it’s an exclusive club for pureblood people and those who wish to serve them.

I am Japanese.
I am Eurasian.
I am Hapa.

I am a peacemaker, a trailblazer, a lover, and a friend. I am a woman, a daughter, a cousin, and a shape and a color. I am a presence that you will never be able to replace no matter how hard you try – 「一期一会」ichi-go-ichi-e, just this once but never again.

Hey! My name is Sean and I’m a proud Hapa. I never knew what a Hapa was until recently, but I think it’s cool that mixed Asians have a group that they can identify with.

My father is French and German and my mother is Filipina. I currently reside in Riverside, CA, but was born in Los Angeles. Most people think I’m Spanish, Mexican, Brazilian, Romanian, or Italian. Filipinos usually think I’m white. White people usually think I’m possibly European or some type of Hispanic. I’m not offended when people ask, and If anything, I think it’s a good conversation starter.

Growing up, I embraced both sides. However, I mostly hung out with the white and Mexican kids, but after going to college and meeting my wife (a Filipina), I made more Filipino friends. I now have a very diverse group of friends, which is something thing I love about living in Southern California.

My family is super diverse. I have a half brother who is white and married to an African American women, a half brother who is Filipino and married to a Mexican woman, a full sister who is married to a white guy, and a full brother who is married to a Puerto Rican woman. I love the diversity, and I think that embracing our differences has allowed us to all live together harmoniously.

I dislike it when stuffy people think it’s rude to talk about ethnicity and our cultural differences. The differences exist and if they’re not acknowledged, tensions can rise and people can feel either excluded or disrespected. It’s healthy to talk about race and ethnicity.

I mean, sure, Hapas could view their background as a disadvantage, and focus on never being able to fully identify with one ethnicity. I’ve chosen to use it to my advantage though, and I feel that I can find common ground with pretty much anybody. I also think that I am better received by minorities once they’re aware that I am “half minority.”

Personally, I think that being part of two different cultures has given me an advantage in the workplace, especially since the health care industry has a lot of Filipinos and white people. I’m sometimes looked to as the middleman when tensions arise.

I’ve had an awesome life so far, but I’m sure things could have been different if I was in the Midwest or the South. I’m very fortunate to have grown up in Southern California where there is a large Asian and mixed race population. Life for me has been good.

I was born in Sydney, Australia but grew up in Hong Kong. My background is Hakka Chinese on my mum’s side and Anglo-Irish on my dad’s side. My dad’s family came from Ireland originally but have been in Australia for about five generations so for all intents and purposes, they are true-blue Aussie.

My mum’s family were originally from Guangdong Province in China but she was born in Hong Kong and some of her siblings were born in Mauritius. I am an Australian by passport but a citizen of the world in outlook.

There are times that I feel simultaneously a strong bond and foreignness towards each of my heritages.

I think both in part with looking more Asian than white and being closer to my mum’s relatives, I am generally more in touch with the Chinese side of my family. The only impediment is that I never learned my mum’s dialect, Hakka; or Cantonese, which is the dialect she spoke growing up in Hong Kong. She felt that Mandarin was a more useful language.

I am proficient in Mandarin but as my mum’s family generally speak Cantonese at home (they married non-Hakka speakers), I am working to improve my basic Cantonese as an adult. Not being able to speak the language of one of your parents leads to a degree of disconnect because with language comes cultural nuances.

In time, I would like to learn some Hakka as my mum is very proud of her heritage, even though she fears that the spoken language is dying out. Hakka people are known for being nomadic (the name means “guest families” – 客家) but they are also known for being the only group of Han Chinese people that never practised foot binding. They are also famous for their revolutionary leaders, including the father of modern China, Dr. Sun Yat-sen.

In all honesty, I was not always comfortable with identifying as ‘Hapa’ because when I was in primary school in Australia, there were not many others with that background. I went to a predominantly white school and while I had my group of friends, casual racism was not uncommon.

Moving to Hong Kong and generally surrounding myself with a multicultural group of friends has played a part in embracing the disparate parts of myself.

Being Hapa does help you understand cultures outside your own, I think in part because you are on the bridge between several different cultures yourself. Instead of seeing it as a curse of not belonging in any circle, which was the case when I was younger, I wouldn’t change the life experience it has given me as a result.

Although I have gotten to a stage where I am comfortable with who I am, I sometimes get my identity challenged by people who meet me for the first time.

Frequently I am told that I can’t be mixed because I “look too Asian.” When I go out one-on-one with my dad to places, people assume that I am his much younger Asian girlfriend — with all the predictable stereotypes that you can imagine flowing from that idea. People have told me that my parents are only together because my mother is a submissive Chinese lady (my parents met in law school and my mum is definitely not submissive). I often tell people that genetics don’t work like fractions. I don’t take these sort of ignorant statements too seriously any more, so the best weapon is humour!

I celebrate the main Chinese holidays (Chinese New Year, Mid Autumn Festival), Christmas, New Year, Easter and the national/public holidays of both Hong Kong and Australia. Knowing two cultures so intimately is definitely a blessing and I couldn’t imagine being any different.

I am of English and South Korean descent. The English is from my birth father’s side and the Korean from my birth mother’s side. I know my birth mother’s name and where she currently resides in Korea, but all I know of my dad is that he was a tall blonde visiting from England and and his name was Michael. As you can tell, I am adopted. I have a full Korean adopted sister who is two years younger than me.

I was an interesting case for the adoption agency in Korea, as they had never had a biracial child before. I received much attention from all the workers there, or at least that is what they told my parents. I can believe it, judging from the fact that I was a blonde Asian baby.

I always felt like I fit in as a pre-adolescent. I looked more white when I was younger, and I had white parents, so most people generally just considered me white and I never really had identity issues. I was always very accepting of the fact that I was adopted and never really gave it much thought. My life was to me just as normal as anyone else’s. I was a hyper and active child, and had many friends.

As I aged, though, I began feeling a little more self-conscious of exactly who or what I was. I began to realize that not everyone is adopted or even educated about my situation. Being from a small private school with a very small number of students in each class, most people knew my situation and accepted me for it. But when I went to high school, I began to feel much more aware of what I was.

In larger classes I began to be picked on quite a bit for being Asian, and would receive the stereotypical Asian names, and chastisements. This made me start to turn my back on my acceptance of my Korean heritage and made me wish that I was just my parents biological child and was full white. I just wanted to be more accepted and less trivialized.

As I grew out of high school, though, I began to realize that much of this was my own insecurity and wasn’t really reflective of everything that was really going on (though the bullying was still very real). I do still carry around a lot of the thoughts that are implanted in my brain from the stress I went through in my younger years. I am 20 years old now and having been out of high school for two years now I can safely say that I am much more in tune with who I am now than who I was then.

Hi! My name is Sarah Eve. My father is Malay with some Indonesian ancestry while my mother is a Caucasian Australian of English, Scottish and Irish heritage.

Being a biracial person (who appears mostly white-looking) in Malaysia wasn’t always easy. People I meet often think I cannot speak the native language, Malay, and create a type of awkward situation. One thing I used to get confused about as a child, was the colour of my skin. In Malaysia, amongst predominantly dark skinned people, I appeared very fair. During visits to Australia, people would say my skin was tanned. I also contrasted heavily with my fellow school friends as I had bright auburn hair which people would seem to point out alot.

Words such as mat salleh, ang mo, gweilo and orang putih (all meaning “white person”) were thrown around a lot between both friends and strangers. Being the token white friend, I’ve tended to have trouble relating to other people regarding my western culture. But as I get older, I realize it is not something to feel uncomfortable or ashamed about, but rather a reason to feel unique. I wasted my time trying to fully fit in with one culture over the other, when I could always just as easily enjoy the fruits of both trees.

So hi guys – I was totally elated when I found this site!!

Born in Tokyo and growing up in El Paso, I know how it feels to be Hapa in the midst of two very homogenous communities.

My father was introduced to my mother by a mutual friend while tutoring Japanese students in Spanish privately. They developed a romance, and from there on it led to marriage, nine months of pain, and then pop! Out came me.

For the first eight years of my life I lived in Tokyo with my parents. I had to endure laughs, stares and derision from the other kids at school. They were afraid of touching me as they feared my skin tone was “infectious.”

And then the decision was made for me to live with my grandparents in El Paso. So, quick flight via Los Angeles and here I am now. Years of public schooling has been…normal to say the least. 75% of the kids are white (odd for a Texan border town school) and those who aren’t white band together. Sometimes I have to resist the urge to slap the random passerby spouting insults like “beaner!”

God’s grace has me inheriting my mother’s eyes but my father’s tan. People often assume I’m Polynesian or Mexican. My loving grandparents tell me to ignore those people. I hope someday racism will be wiped ofd the face of the earth.

I was born in San Jose, California in 1987. Luckily for me the Bay Area was a melting pot of all different nationalities. Raised by a Filipina mom and Swiss German dad, I was faced with a lot of confusion growing up.

To this day in appearance, I don’t look anything anything like my mother or father and at one point was asked by a stranger if I was adopted. Mostly I get mistaken for being Mexican and often have people walk up to me starting conversations in Spanish.

Being Hapa does have its benefits. While visiting the Philippines I’ve often felt like a celebrity walking through the provinces despite not having any notable special talents. Living in the United States my whole life I mostly identified myself with more of my European decent but every time I see my tan skin I feel like I’m trying to be something I’m not.

Having mixed nationalities has given me my personality of which I am very proud of. You can best describe me as having a big heart and capable of being very understanding. To see how some families live in the Philippines has opened my eyes to the world and helped me realize that not everyone has it made like us.

I do like being the center of attention among my friends and I think that comes more from my Filipino side, and my caring and sympathetic feelings come from my European side. Being mixed I used to feel isolated but after finding this site I finally feel like a part of something big and can finally be happy of who I am.

I am a proud Hapa! I am Irish, Hawaiian and African American. My father is Black and Hawaiian and my mother is Irish.

I found it very difficult in my childhood to be mixed race. I didn’t fit in with black people or white people and being mixed in the south, where racism is rampant, isn’t easy. I even wrote a blog post about all the dumb things people have said to me about my race. Most of it is laughable, the rest is just ignorance.

Living in California was easier as a teen because most everyone I knew was mixed! As I grew and learned more about my ancestry, I embraced the cultures of all of them and now share that with our three kids. Their father’s ancestry is Welsh.

We are moving to Hawaii soon to expose our children to more of their ancestral culture. We’ve learned about their Welsh background and our African American and Irish heritage. They enjoy learning about it and I’m glad they don’t have to deal with as much racism as I did. Live love, live aloha!

My name is Maria and I’m 18. My mum is a Filipina with Chinese and Spanish ancestors and my dad is French with Polish ancestors if I’m not mistaken.

I was born in the Philippines and spent my childhood days there, now I live in France with my parents. Growing up it was always weird when people tried to figure out what “I was.” I was whiter than most of the kids around me but my features are mostly Asian. Here in France, I’m sometimes seen as Chinese (when I straighten my hair) and most of the times hispanic. I don’t mind it though, I just find it amusing.

I’m always thankful about my multiracial culture. Not just for the variety of food :) or the different traditions, but because I have the chance to have a different understanding about the world. To be able to be aware about the difference between cultures, to remember to not assume who a person is based only on their looks and, of course, to speak many languages. I can speak five languages and that has motivated me to learn another one, so now I’m learning Japanese. ^^-

I do hope that my story inspires others out there who are struggling to find where they belong. Well, we don’t always need to belong and fit into society’s molds. We don’t need to choose between these two heritages – we can be both, we are free to be whatever we want to be. We should always embrace what makes us different from the others.

My name is Ryôma Takeuchi. Born and raised in Paris, I went to high school in Japan. I live now in Paris, where I’m studying economics. As a student, I work on my subjects in several languages, so I can keep a decent level of each.

I’ve always been interested in Japan, and I studied hard to communicate with my father and Japanese friends. Being in an international school helped me a lot, so I hope the International Baccalaureate program spreads in Japan, so Hapas can choose a fitting education.

Obviously, Japanese people born in Japan didn’t think of me as a Japanese, and French people didn’t understand why I would give some value to my Japanese roots. But when you grow up, you realize nobody can decide for you.

Being multiracial is a fact. You can bear it in mind, or you can just decide to forget it. But if your choice goes to a life as a multicultural, just remember the challenge never really ends.

I work at my parents’ restaurant, where we make excellent Japanese food and teach sadō, thus recreating a little piece of Japan in Paris to share with my friends.

I’m Martin. My dad is of German, English and French roots while my mom is full Japanese. I mainly grew up with my dad, so my Japanese side wasn’t explored as much during my childhood.

When I would tell others I was half Japanese, they would be surprised or even not believe me!

I don’t have many Japanese features, I have a German last name and I grew up in Iowa. My oldest brother looks more Japanese, yet my brothers and I always fell under the category of “white/Caucasian.”

I started getting into Japanese culture in high school and later. I took Japanese in high school and loved the language.

I am proud to be a Hapa. I enjoy being able to have various cultures that I can associate with.

My name is Elham (Arabic for “inspiration”) and I am half Filipina and half Bahraini. I am also mixed with Egyptian and Cuban. I was born in Bahrain (a tiny country near Kuwait), but I grew up living between the Philippines, Bahrain and the US. I will be moving to New York this summer and I can’t wait to experience this melting pot!

I’ve always been proud of being multicultural and multiracial. The world with its rich cultures and languages moves in me.

I’ve definitely faced situations when I was younger where people discriminated against me because I’m Hapa. There was stigma growing up in the Gulf where Filipinas were seen as maids who would immigrate to middle eastern countries only to marry Arab men.

I’ve gotten the usual, “you are not really one of us.” People have told me that I was adopted, and some even bluntly told me that I’m not Arab or Asian enough to be friends with them. I’ve also conducted business meetings where people would be discussing my background, not realizing I could understand them. (Good thing I speak 4 languages fluently: Arabic, Tagalog, English and French. I also understand Spanish).

I face these situations with grace and take any challenges that arise from my heritage as an opportunity to educate others about issues of race. I try to move conversation that start with “What are you?” to “Who are you?”

My name is Caleb and I am twenty-four years old. My father is from the Philippines, and is Filipino with a touch of Chinese and Spanish. My mother is from Louisiana, and is English, Irish, Scottish, and German with a touch of Native American. I have spent most of my life in the United States, but some time in the Philippines as well. I currently reside in Seattle, Washington.

I am a very proud Hapa, although that was not always the case. Growing up in the South, 99% of the people I was surrounded by were Caucasian and African-American. It was very common for me to be asked the “What are you?” question, or it was assumed that I was Chinese. When I began to perceive the differences between myself and Caucasian students, I yearned to be fully Caucasian in order to blend in better. When I realized that this was impossible, I began to identify fully as Asian. This caused some problems as well, because I began to look less Asian as the years went by, and because my mother felt left out when I stopped identifying myself as remotely Caucasian.

It was definitely interesting growing up with fried chicken and grits with my mom’s family, plus adobo and lumpia on my dad’s side. My Tagalog was very good as a child, but is fairly poor these days. Moving to the Seattle area ten years ago was a great turning point for me – I was surrounded by all types of people, and grew to be more comfortable being mixed.

Although I will always identify first and foremost as a Hapa, I still feel more Asian than I do Caucasian. The reality of living in America is that I can never be “white-passing,” and I will forever be considered a person of color. Asians tend to consider me one of them, even if I do not look completely like them. This may be due to my knowledge and experience of the Filipino culture, which exceeds even that of some fully Asian people in my age group. When I go to the Philippines, I am not really considered white – just a Filipino with a lighter shade. When I go to Louisiana, I am considered the Asian.

I love and respect both of my parents dearly, so I can never deny either of them in any way. This extends to my racial identity. When people ask what I am, I proudly tell them that I am half Filipino and half Caucasian. When I am filling out a form that does not give me an “Other” or “Mixed” option, I choose Asian, because my life more reflects the lived experience of an Asian person.

However, I am undoubtedly a proud Hapa – it allows me to be a part of two cultures without fully being a part of either. There was a time when it was a lonely experience, but living in such a diverse area has changed that for the better. I am friends with as many Hapas as I am Asians and Caucasians.

Upon reading the submissions of others on this website, I immediately felt a kinship that I’ve been so lacking in my everyday life.

My story is probably like so many others. I grew up in the middle of America and every day I experienced racism of some form, being called pretty much every racial slur there is. Some even confused me because I didn’t see what they saw in me.

I considered myself an all around American. I went to private school, played sports, lived in the country, and drove a truck—not to mention had a southern midland accent. But none of those things seemed to matter when I couldn’t take a walk down the street without someone yelling obscenities at me, or when I’d get singled out at a store and followed around, making sure I didn’t steal.

I got it from whites and blacks. I only mention those two groups because that’s all I saw in the small town I grew up in. I even had to switch schools after 3rd grade because the bullying was so bad.

I grew up with my grandparents. Grandma was stereotypically “white” with blonde hair, fair skin, and blue eyes and my grandfather was Lebanese. I had a love/hate relationship with my ethnicity. Some days I would look in the mirror and wish I looked more like my grandmother and other days I wished I looked more like my grandfather. I didn’t fit in anywhere.

Most of all I got called Asian, and I didn’t know why. It wasn’t until later when I got curious enough to actually take a DNA test that I found out I was this:

Asia:
Asia East- 22%
Asia Central- 10%

Europe:
Europe West- 42%
European Jewish- 6%
Finland/Northwest Russia- 4%
Great Britain- 2%
Italy/Greece- 2%
Ireland- 1%
lberian Peninsula- 1%
Scandinavia- <1%

West Asia:
Middle East- 8%
Caucasus- 2%

Perhaps their slurs were right this whole time.

I fell into denial. How could I be part Asian? I don’t know my father, so maybe it was from him. Either way, I couldn’t believe that all those hateful people had been right. I’m slowly growing to accept it.

But it’s not what defines me. I’m still an all around American and feel even more so because of these results. Everyone is mixed to some extent. But others, like myself, stand out a bit more, which can make other people uncomfortable.

Social media and seeing more people of color on TV has made a big difference and I believe that the generations that follow will have a happier and healthier mental environment to prosper in.

To help cope with the PTSD of my childhood experience, I turned to writing and art. To read more about my experience visit laurenhage.com.

My name is Yas and I’m half Thai and half Iranian.

I was born and raised in Bristol, UK and I spent most of my time traveling between Chanthaburi in Thailand (where my mother is from) and the UK.

I am extremely close to my Thai side of my family, due to all the traveling back and forth since I was little, although my Iranian grandparents spent many years coming to visit us in England too. Unfortunately, due to political difficulties, I’ve never been able to travel to Iran, for which I am extremely sad; I would love to embrace both sides of my heritage, but I have faith that in the future I will have the opportunity to do so!

I spent 3 years living and working in Thailand as a primary school teacher, where I was able to fully embrace my Thai side, learning the language, soaking in the culture and spending time with my family. It was amazing to be able to spend the time in one of my home countries not as a tourist or visiting family, but actually being fully submerged into the working and living environment. I loved it, even when there were a few culture clashes between East and West, as I was brought up mainly in the UK!

I have always been artistic and I have always loved the stories that my Thai and Iranian grandmothers used to tell me while I was growing up. I find it all so interesting; Eastern culture is so rich in beautiful imagery, that I decided to pursue art and illustration when I returned back to England after I finished teaching. I am currently working as a freelance illustrator in Bristol, where my Eastern designs are very popular.

I really love that my art inspires people and that through my illustrations I can spread awareness of how beautiful other cultures are.

My name is Tomo and I was born in New Zealand to a Japanese mother and Kiwi (pākehā, or white) father but moved to Japan and grew up in Yokohama in an expat/international school bubble.

I moved back to NZ at 16 and spent most of my 20’s in Japan on my overseas experience.

Growing up and during my time working in Japan I never felt comfortable with the term hafu. I really struggled with my identity growing up…I knew I wasn’t Japanese but I didn’t feel I was a New Zealander either. I was kind of caught in no-man’s lands a bit, which I now understand was probably TCK (Third Culture Kid) territory.

Working in Japan in my 20’s was the most defining time in my life I think. I didn’t particularly feel embraced by the people of Japan so I ended up feeling less and less Japanese (and more Kiwi) so I have ended up as identifying as a Kiwi with Japanese heritage on my mum’s side.

I feel accepted as who I am (and what am I) in NZ without question, whereas in Japan it felt as though I was always being defined as a gaijin (or Japanese when it suited them, but also having to always justify myself by my nationality/race/ethnicity).

I feel a lot more at peace with myself now having defined myself as someone of mixed heritage. I cannot say for sure if I feel proud or not to be Hapa but I am at a point where I feel comfortable to be one.

Although I live in Auckland (NZ) now, I still do embrace and celebrate most Japanese customs and holidays when I can as whether I like it or not Japan has been and always will be a big part of me and my life.